Gaze: to look steadily and intently, especially in admiration, surprise, or thought.
On the day my foster daughter turned one, a biological family member gave me what might be one of the best presents I’ve had in a while: A picture of my foster daughter on the day she was born.
Earlier that morning, as I got ready for the day, I wondered about one year prior. I acknowledged once again (grieving once again) that I had no memory of her welcome into this world, no details of her birth story to share with her beyond simplistic hospital notes. I specifically considered how I had no pictures to show her. There would be no “Look at tiny, newborn you! This is you the day you were born!”. I had accepted this and was trying to assimilate it to my ever growing “this is what being a foster family means” reality.
And then literally within the same hour, I was sent the photo.
I noticed our sweet little one, bundled up and tiny as ever. Her darling feet stretched out, certainly aware that this level of mobility differed from the previous 9 months. I loved seeing her, meeting her from a new point of view, and yet the detail in that image that struck me the most was another face. It was the face of her mother.
Though the focus of the frame was completely and appropriately on the precious new life, I noticed the details of her mother. Her head tilted down towards the child she was holding, lips closed in a gentle smile, eyes gazing at her baby. Can you picture it?
Can you picture a mother’s gaze?
I’m sure you can.
I’m sure you can, because it’s something we observe so frequently, we’d almost miss it if it wasn’t called out. But there it was. A mother’s gaze. Steady. Intent. Filled with admiration, wonder, and thought.
I’ve not yet had the privilege to meet my foster daughter’s biological mother. I know her story only through second-hand witnesses, succinct statements made under oath in court. Never once have I been able to hear her perspective, to know her. And yet, by this photo, I know her. Here is a mother gazing at her child. Picture any mother you’ve seen gazing at her newborn and you know this woman too.
So much can be said on the subject of relating to biological families. In fact, I just finished an entire required course on the topic to keep our foster license active! And yet, sometimes the Lord gently brings us back to some simple reminders, like that of a mother gazing at the child she just carried for 9 months.
I recognize our role as foster parents exists because of events that happen outside of captured moments such as these. I am simply asking that we add this moment and surely many more like it that were not photographed or put on record back on our scales of judgment. You know, the judgment that shouldn’t really exist in the first place, and yet if we’re honest we know exactly what I’m referring to. We need these moments to help balance any distortion of the truth.
What gives me great comfort is that as I saw for the first time the mother of my foster child gazing at her baby, I also imagined a loving Father gazing at His child. You might think I’m referring to the little 6lb human, but you’d misunderstand me. I’m referring to another child. That mother is His created child just as much as the baby wrapped in her arms. This perspective sows compassion. And those of us getting into the messy world of foster care need this compassion or we’ll burn out.
A mother’s gaze. Can we see it? Will we choose to see it?
A Heavenly Father’s gaze. Can we see that too? Because it’s there. Steady. Intent. All-loving. Wonderful.